Do you actually feel brave right now? Or are you comparing yourself with other mothers who seem to be in a similar situation to you and who seem braver from the outside, and you wonder how they managed it?

Ha!

After my years of experience with moms with toxic Ex partners let me assure you: You’re pretty darn brave!

You have no idea how much courage you have inside you!

There is a heroine in you that you haven’t brought out yet. That you don’t see yet.

Every now and then she feels her way forward, to the surface.

When you moved out, for example. Or when you courageously stopped your daughter’s teacher when she was savagely attacking the child.

I once heard this parable in a wonderful English-language meditation – something like this:

“What is the difference between a coward and a brave person? Both feel the same fear. Only the coward pauses in front of it and stops, while the brave person just keeps going.”

I additionally realized something else (warning – now it’s getting slightly trite…)?

Ready? *drum roll*

| Moms got moxie! Always!

So. Are you liking this witty little quip I came up with?

Sweetheart, I’m just happy with any means to convince you that you are a brave woman. Even if your toxic Ex gives you hell, blackmails you, controls you or devalues you wherever he can.

That’s your current situation, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

And it won’t – if you don’t let it.

I’ve written it before, but I can’t repeat it often enough:

Your situation today is the result of many micro decisions you made in the past

If you want your future to be different, you need to make different choices today.

If in the past you did everything the Ex asked you to do and it didn’t help, then you need to stop doing that now and rather listen to yourself about what you actually want.

If you feel helpless because you think that everyone is against you and everyone expects you to behave in a certain way, then it is high time to start today to learn to let go of the acceptance of others.

Ein mutiger Schritt nach vorne muss nicht riesengroß sein

A courageous path is made up of many small individual steps.

I don’t expect you to quit your job or move to a strange city where you don’t know anyone just to create distance from the toxic ex.

A first, courageous step can be to set up a certain boundary by setting up a separate email box for communication with the ex and letting communication via Whatsapp go nowhere.

Or, if you have not yet been able to muster the courage to leave: That you have a first, non-binding conversation with a lawyer before you let your control-mad beserker banish you to the guest room at home as a slave for several months because he won’t allow you to move out without the kids.

Courage also means that you stand up for yourself and seek and ask for help

With all the bad, the worst, the exciting that you are experiencing: This situation is also a great opportunity for you.

The chance to bring out the best and strongest in you, which is still slumbering inside you.

I am very happy to help you with this – and it gives me an incredible amount of joy when I can experience how these inner pearls of strength and courage come to light!

Imagine yourself at some point in the future – let’s say one or three years from now – and you imagine how confidently you will then be able to circumvent the attacks of the child’s father. What attitude you will take, no matter what he does again.

Yes, even if he manipulates the children (and he most certainly will) and even if there are still court cases three years from now – can you still imagine looking back and thinking to yourself:

Wow – what a great and brave mom I have become!

This is indeed possible – and I am currently experiencing this with many mothers whom I actively support. And I can assure you that they were all despondent at the beginning.

My work with Midlife Boom is fully focused on supporting you on your journey, and always right where it burns.

You look around after a while and marvel – gosh, what an exciting journey to myself! I am simply no longer comparable to the woman I was just half a year ago.

Your very own individual path eventually brings out your strongest and bravest self.

You can’t change the ex – but what about your child?

There is another aspect to this that I feel is immensely important: What do you think your child will think of you later on when he or she is a young adult and understands what you accomplished during this time?

What example are you going to give him?

What you learn on your own journey, you automatically and non-verbally pass on to your child as well. 

Your path can be easier

Right now, you may think that your journey is extremely arduous, and you feel exhausted and weak.

What if I told you that your journey doesn’t have to be as arduous as you are currently experiencing? What if much of the drama and heaviness is mainly in your head?

What if your journey is challenging, but you will find it easier because you don’t have to walk the path alone in a strong and loving community? Wouldn’t that be a huge reassurance?