If you’ve just separated from your toxic Ex, or you’re right in the middle of so much nonsense with child welfare services, court, or even appraisals, it’s very likely that you’re thinking to yourself:

“How am I going to manage this?”

If your self-esteem is rather low, and you have only a mediocre education and/or a low-paying job, while your toxic ex is successfully self-employed or holds a high-paying managerial job, this thinking trap can be quite obvious.

However, if you now believe that only the academics among mothers who have fallen in with a toxic man and have a child with him will manage to fight their way out of it and convince everyone in court with a great standing, then you are sorely mistaken.

There is a secret tip that EVERY mother who once trusted a toxic narcissistic man and started a family can use to get out of the mess.

And not just find her way back to where she once was before the relationship with him.

But is catapulted much, much, much further forward than she ever dreamed possible!

And EVERY mother with a toxic narcissistic Ex runs the risk of hopeless failure if she doesn’t heed this secret tip.

I even claim that every academic and highly trained specialist is at risk of losing in court or still hanging on the toxic Ex’s energy rope in everyday life until the child’s 18th birthday and beyond.

“Heidi, what are you doing?” you may be thinking indignantly.

Please read on.

What is the difference between an academic mom and a kindergarten teacher?

Sure: the years of education through school and university.

In these decades, in which she has crammed and crammed until the cows come home, she has absorbed a lot of knowledge, without a doubt.

Existing knowledge.

Knowledge that was prescribed in curricula, created by ministries of education, so that a comparable level of graduation could be achieved.

And that’s a good thing. If I personally ever have to undergo an operation, I also want the doctors to whom I entrust myself to have a high and, above all, comparable level of training.

In any case, a female academic can say that she has reached a high milestone in the educational culture of her country. Moreover, if she has achieved an academic degree in a male subject, the – justified – high reputation is certain for her.

• In any case, she has proven that she can persevere.
• That she understands complex interrelationships.
• That she can learn by heart.
• That she knows what is expected of her.
• What reality looks like and what facts support this reality.

Now there is only one catch

Female academics have usually imbibed an education that is scientifically sound and has already been passed down to students for decades or even centuries.

Now it can be easy for them to think afterwards, “I know everything there is to know now.”

When I and others then come along and tell them that everyday life with a narcissistically-disturbed man is mainly about energy exchange – because we are all primarily energy beings and only secondarily body and head – these are abstract concepts that were not taught like this in school and college and very likely will not be taught in the near future.

“Woowoo stuff,” the Americans say about it. Abstract, esoteric stuff.

However, there is growing evidence that this very knowledge is elemental to a happy life.

The statements we say in our heads produce the energy inside that we either lack, or that fuels us.

And statements that we repeat over and over again form our beliefs.

The thing about beliefs

To stay with the two extreme poles:

Academics as well as the cashier at the supermarket have internalized certain beliefs.

One group says, “I know everything, I know about these guys, I’ve already read innumerable books on narcissism.”

The other group says, “I can’t do anything, I’m stupid, tell me what to do.”

The first group bites its way through, reads studies and legal texts and carefully studies court rulings in order to be able to cite them in their own case.

The second group blindly trusts every person who seems to know a shred more than they do. They fall for the first lawyer they meet – because he or she is a trained lawyer! – and lets him or her do his or her thing.

Both groups, however, experience a real hell ride if they do not realize that with the means they used to tackle problems in the past, they will not get anywhere with a highly pathological narcissistic men.

The one group that wants to pull all the strings and control everything with all its might loses just as much as the group that is used to regularly giving away its power and feeling helpless.

But do you know what observation I’ve been able to make with the thousands of moms I’ve coached since Midlife Boom came into existence?

The women with a middle or even low level of education have an easier time coming out of this phase victorious and happy.

And they do it in record time.

Whereas the academically educated women tend to have a harder time.

The work that needs to be done in order to distance oneself from the actions of the Ex and to come into sovereignty lies within.

With the woman herself.

• She needs to address the self-worth that is overlaid with beliefs about herself.
• She has to get at the beliefs that have been passed down to her from childhood.
• She has to get at the female conditioning as a good, well-behaved girl.
• She has to get to grips with the belief that everything has to be settled with facts.

And as a rule, she has not yet learned that.

Neither has the kindergarten teacher. But the academic has enjoyed decades of top-heavy training. She therefore trusts facts and “reality” more easily.

But we create our own reality every day.

The way we think is the way we act.

Our reality is the product of our beliefs, because our beliefs are the thoughts we think over and over again every day.

These are concepts that sound foreign to academically educated people, so resistance builds up inside more easily.

And resistance prevents learning.

Education and learning are two different things!

Not that we misunderstand each other here, sweetheart: I myself love to learn.

But not every educated person loves to learn and absorb new concepts, and likewise, any person who doesn’t have a degree may have imbibed a great deal of specialized knowledge.

Therefore, each of us beware of (de)valuing the other person based on the level of education!

My experience is that the mothers who approached their own inner work in a more unprejudiced way were able to achieve success more quickly.

They got involved.

They were coachable.

They didn’t think: I already know everything. I already know it.

And this is exactly my “secret tip” for you, if you really want to emerge victorious from this phase of your life:

Stay coachable.

Keep a curious and open attitude.

Let yourself be surprised by new, unusual methods and approaches.

Then you will win.

Everyday life with a toxic-narcissistic father challenges you on all levels. You simply won’t get anywhere with normal, traditional methods from school and university.

Your head is rather your enemy here, because you have to learn to let go of what you can no longer control.

You have to learn to regularly question what you have so far considered as “I know”.

“Is what I’m thinking now really true?”

You may accept help, Sweetheart.

But you must never relinquish power to an advisor. Not even to me.

Your power is in you, in your heart, your soul. Not in your head!

Therefore, the main cause of whether you win or lose is always to be found in how well you yourself listen to your inner power and follow it.

I show you how to get there with my programs like DEXKADIMA or PowerBrainDetox and the Club of Brave Moms.

But I can’t take the first step in this direction and keep you on this path.

No one can.

You have to do it yourself.

Stay coachable, sweetheart.

That’s half the battle. You don’t need a degree for that, just the will to get involved in something new that can change your life forever.

What’s your take on this? Feel free to leave a comment below the article to share with other mamas. Merci!