When your whole family turns against you after you break up with your toxic Ex


​You’ve finally gotten it together and left the guy, hoping for support from your own family – and fiddlesticks!

Your mother shakes her head and asks how you can do this to your child!

Your father asks you, How you can afford everything now, without financial support?

Of course, you have already told them a lot: How your Ex treated you. What lies you heard him tell about you in the neighborhood. How irresponsible he was with the toddler. Or how he manipulated your schoolchild.

You have tried to convey to your mother how great your emotional torment has been with this man.

But you realize that your words don’t really reach her and she remains skeptical.

After all, you have to listen to the fact that you yourself are no angel. And it takes two to argue! You could give in if a certain thing seems to be so important to him! You were already such a stubborn child.

Especially if your Ex is a charmer and particularly colorful pike, it could be that your mother is his biggest fan. Or your own father.

Or your sister.

That hurts so much!

At a time when you have big, life-changing decisions to make, it can really chill you to realize that bridges you hoped would remain are burning – precisely because you need more mental support by your side now than ever before.

You can kind of relate to the ex’s family or acquaintances cutting you off or trying to mediate for the ex and manipulate you.

That alone is intense, especially if you thought until now that they were also your friends and you actually always got along well until the breakup.

By the way, such people who side with the toxic Ex are called “Flying Monkeys.”

But Flying Monkeys in your own family? Simply unimaginable!

Or is it?

Is it possible that you secretly expected that your parents might turn against you?

Is it possible that your own sister is in a never-ending competition with you, and it shouldn’t really surprise you that she runs to the toxic Ex with flying colors?

Or to put it bluntly, what is the toxic narcissistic percentage in your own family, sweetheart?

What patterns did your Ex serve in your relationship that you’ve known from an early age and are therefore very familiar to you?

The devaluation.

The not being taken seriously.

The constant undermining of your self-worth, so that you never get the idea that you are better or more beautiful or smarter at something.

Also look further back, before the relationship with the father of your child.

What kind of men did you let near you before that? How did they treat you?

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What relationship “blueprint” (aka template) are you unconsciously following?

A large part of the mothers who follow me had already had very bad experiences with men before the toxic ex.

Only – they were easier to check off as long as there were no children.

Now that you have a child with such a man, you can’t look away.

The situation almost forces you to go into inner work – unless you want to remain attached to the puppet strings of some toxic people until your child’s 18th birthday and beyond.

Which, by the way, will inevitably happen if you don’t address your boundaries, self-worth, mindfulness of yourself and your values as soon as possible and act accordingly.

This absolute low point in your life is a huge invitation to take your life to a whole new level.

In fact, think of it as your opportunity.

Back to your family of origin

Ask yourself honestly: How comfortable have you felt at family gatherings in the past?

When you’ve opened up and confided and been in conversation – how did you feel afterwards?

More uncomfortable? Frustrated? Did you have to go to the fridge and eat something right after?

When phrases like the above come up, there’s a damn good chance that you’ve already been conditioned for decades to think exactly like that.

The sentences correspond exactly to the belief system which you have assumed due to your education.

Only your soul has meanwhile experienced and thus painfully learned that these sentences are not true. And it signals this to you by sending feelings of confusion, helplessness and speechlessness.

Your conditioned head, however, tells you that the adults are always right?

How do you get out of this?

The task that life presents you with in the form of your toxic ex-partner ultimately boils down to you exploring and questioning your beliefs and acquiring new ones as a result.

You can’t do this overnight. But you start once and train your mindfulness towards yourself from day to day.

Over time, you automatically learn to let go.

Letting go of things you can’t change – your family ties, for example. The things your family says or does. The things your toxic Ex says or does. And so much more.

Do you want to feel confident about managing child hand-offs with your toxic ex?


Should you rigorously cut off any bond between you and your family?

It depends.

If you think that your family is just extra confused at the moment, and there is a high probability that they themselves will have to experience life with a toxic-narcissistic son-in-law, then I would probably rather just withdraw and let peace come between you.

However, if you feel that this now represents a sad low point in an overall unspeakable childhood, then think carefully about what else you hope to gain from maintaining regular contact.

How much are you worth to yourself?

Are you allowed to be well? Can you allow yourself to set completely individual boundaries just for you?

Can you allow yourself to lead your own fulfilled life? Or must you continue to live a life according to the ideas of others?

How does this sound to you, for example:

Living a life according to your values and in complete balance with your sense of what is best for your child.

You have many more opportunities to completely turn your life around and discover wonderful, liberating new territory and experience deep and real fulfillment than you may see right now.

I certainly wish it for you so much! ❤️

So what has been your experience with your family after the breakup with the toxic Ex? I look forward to your comment below.

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