Whether you’re newly separated or have been for a few years, as long as you’re still rolling around worst-case scenarios in your head, you’re mentally at the bottom of the mountain you have yet to climb.

If you’ve already been in a courtroom clash with the toxic Ex for a few years and still have nightmares at night – if you can sleep at all – and fear about the future, what will happen to your child, you’ve built up some pretty heavy momentum.

It hasn’t gotten any better for you so far, has it?

No matter what you’ve already done.

All those books that educated you about narcissism.

At least one therapist with whom you have worked.

Several consultations and mediations, which you at first tried to do yourself, but later endured, always with the hope that finally an outside, powerful person would slap his hand on the table and tell the ex that it can’t go on like this and that he should behave/contemplate/apologize.

And all the tips and tricks you picked up from the Facebook groups!

If you ask a question, you will get at least (!) one answer.

It becomes difficult when several “experts” (i.e., those who obviously have more experience and knowledge than you) have different tips that often contradict each other.

What do you do then?

And that’s where your brain comes in.

Until you are used to thinking that everyone knows more than you, then you are confused to the maximum and can’t decide.

You then ask in even more groups and ask the same question there – only to get back an even more colorful bouquet of answers.

The problem:

All answers given to you are only mirrors of the best possible solutions.

Every mother with a toxic Ex has her own path. Which is very, very individual.

Sure, we all have a common denominator: that we are empathetic (at least, that’s the moms I’ve worked with so far, either 1:1 or in the Mighty Moms Club.

And of course there are a number of basics that I first go through with my course or club participants and that are generally valid for everyone (such as no Whatsapp with the ex and a separate mailbox), but as soon as it comes to setting boundaries, it becomes extremely individual.

Because what boundaries you need with your toxic ex is something only you can work out for yourself.

But that also means that the tip of the one mother from that mothers’ forum is completely inappropriate for you and your child.

If you then implement this tip half-heartedly and with an uncomfortable feeling (and your gut signals this to you), then this also only comes across as half-hearted. You don’t come across as authentic.

For those moms who have 100% internalized beliefs that help them strengthen and maintain a self-confident attitude, the same tip can work wonders.

As soon as you notice that you are confused to the max and unsure of what to do next (tactically or technically speaking), it is an unmistakable sign that you are not listening and do not know what your innermost being is advising you to do.

You’ve become numb to yourself.

Of course you can now reply that everyone else around you is just yelling and you can’t hear anything else, especially not the quieter voice inside you.

But that’s a decision only you can make.

Only you can decide to go to a quiet space and make yourself listen to the inner voice.

Yes, meditation helps, and it’s great if you’re already doing it.

But if you are really shaken back and forth and driven by external circumstances that you only know stress and hustle in everyday life, then I won’t be able to talk you into the topic of meditation.

Apart from the fact that you are not yet so far advanced in your inner evolution to be able to enjoy the calm meditative mood.

There is still one very important step missing before that:

Having internalized the absolute conviction that your well-being comes first – and not your child’s (hear hear!)

That you get to take care of yourself first.

That you are worth doing well.

That you may have a beautiful life – and not have to lead one in hardship and renunciation, just because you once fell in love with this man and fathered a child with him!

“Now you’re in it, now watch yourself get out of it!” 

Sweetheart, if you want to not only somehow survive parenthood with a toxic man, but live happily ever after and in harmony with yourself, you have no choice but to reprogram your brain NOW.

Some might now think: “Uh, brainwashing? Oh godgodgod! That’s too scary for me!”

But honestly, if you’re just chasing garbage beliefs from one synapse to the next in your head, brainwashing is an altogether fine thing to do.

I call it Power Brain Detox(ing).

After all, you put up with years of brainwashing from your toxic Ex

Oh, that started out quite, quite harmlessly.

Here a little side note.

A raised, stern eyebrow there.

Here a bit of gaslighting.

Here a big argument about a word you shouldn’t have said because you offended him and you should have known better.

Here’s a comment about what you did wrong again.

There with friends in a cozy round made fun of your weaknesses.

After the relationship, there you are:

The head full of crap thoughts and corresponding horror scenarios. After all, you trusted him subconsciously, you took on his sick beliefs about himself and the world.

And when he then stands in front of you in a rage and tells you that he will take the children away from you and ruin you, you believe him.

It’s time, sweetheart, to clean up your brain.

Throw the sentences over Jordan – just like you did with his junk in the basement and in your closet.

There’s a better world out there waiting for you – with a focus on you and your life.

Don’t worry: your child will not be neglected.

Quite the opposite.

Your child learns from watching you.

He or she then adopts your new beliefs.

When it sees that you are worth putting yourself first;

When it sees you finding your inner balance even when it knows there was strife between its parents in the background;

When it sees and watches you becoming happier and happier and only attracting people into your life who are as positive and happy as you are –

…then you are fully fulfilling your role as a mother.

Your girl is learning that certain, primal feminine strength that you are now developing.

Your boy learns how to treat women – because you model for him what it means when calm – not defiant (!) – boundaries are established.

Better to work on banishing your Ex’s toxins from your consciousness sooner than later, so your child doesn’t adopt them too!

Don’t put it off any longer, sweetheart. Otherwise it will only get worse, never better.

Your inner work is to realize what beliefs are currently preventing you from taking the next best step.

Your work is to build new, positive beliefs. I can show you how to do that.

Your work is to listen to and trust your own inner voice more and more. So that you know which option feels best for you – no matter what others around you are telling you.

Your work is to come into clarity. So that you know if this one decision is within your much too small comfort zone or the other option is one that will take you further.

My Power Brain Detox program will help you take the first step. And for daily training, the Club of Brave Moms is at your disposal. It’s best to put your name on the waiting list so you don’t miss the next opening.