Every now and then, there’s a discussion on my group of strong mothers on Facebook about what’s best to wear in court.

To make a long story short: Wear what you feel confident and comfortable in. 

Please don’t dress up!

Perhaps just make sure your clothes are clean and intact, and dignify the formal occasion with a nice feminine, not-too-masculine blazer if you prefer to walk around in jeans and a t-shirt.

It’s less about the clothes, though, and more about how cohesive you appear. You could wear the most expensive designer clothes – if they don’t match your type, you won’t come across as having integrity.

Even loud colors that are “bold” for you are suboptimal if you’re rather shy and just sit there, not opening your mouth and looking highly insecure. And if you never wear red, it wouldn’t be a color for your first court hearing either, even if you think it’s supposed to give you the courage you don’t actually feel in yourself yet.

If, on the other hand, you’re used to always dressing très chic, then do it in court, too.

Your attitude going into the courtroom should be: I am authentic and have integrity and represent my child’s cause with aplomb.

And not that of a defiant girl who thinks: now I’ll show you all!

It’s better to take small accessories with you that remind you of your strength.

For example, an engraved bracelet or necklace, or my heart stone that you get when you join the brave moms club.

It’s subtle and also serves its purpose of strengthening you mentally.

Then we’re actually done, right?

No, because otherwise I would have saved myself this article…😅

Because from time to time I see selfies of moms just before their trial wearing statement t-shirts with a bold statement, something along the lines of “karma will take care of it.”

That’s when it gets hard to “come across well,” honestly.

Yes, it’s hilarious.

Yes, it is courageous.

And yes, it has something of rebellion and “not fitting in”.

Got it.

But for this message, neither the time, nor the place, nor the addressees are right.

Please consider: every person reading this feels addressed with a statement. You want to communicate something – otherwise you wouldn’t wear it boldly on your chest, would you?

Let’s stay with the above example of the statement T-shirt: “Karma will take care of it”.

So you walk into the courtroom, the t-shirt flashes under your blazer, and your ex sees it.

And the judge.

And the guardian ad litem and the lady from the youth welfare office, both of whom have already stressed you out of proportion with their assessments of you.

The latter may still think to themselves “Well bravo. I knew it!”

The judge is rather irritated. Should she settle something for you now or should she leave it to karma then? Hmmm.

Your Ex on the other hand, a real narcissist of the worst kind, just grins. He doesn’t care about any message, but he’s very happy that you made a big hit with the T-shirt.

You’re not a rebellious teenager anymore, sweetheart.

You’re a mother fighting for her child’s childhood in family court and trying to do the best you can in this questionable system.

Rebellion doesn’t work at this point. Other people have that job – but not you here and now in the room when it comes to the alternating residency model or sole custody of your favorite human being!

You want to come across as sovereign so that the judge gets a good feeling that the child is in better hands with you than with the closet narcissist on the other side.

Help her make the decision!

However, if a defiant girl is sitting in front of her, she does not know what she is doing to the child by granting you more rights than the father.

So: Rebellion yes – but differently.

Smarter, please.

And above all, at another time, when you are more stable and have been able to gather more strength to rebel against this unfair family law system.

Please understand the role you have in the courtroom:

You are the mother.

You are a non-neutral part of a highly contentious parenting couple (in the eyes of the judge).

You are the mentally healthy and stable beacon in your child’s life.

Against that, you are not:

The psychoanalyst who certifies the Ex as having pathological narcissism in court. Even if you are a psychoanalyst by nature!

You’re not a political activist in court either. Give the role rather to your best friend, who wears the T-shirt for you down in front of the court gates and who stands loyally by your side!

You are also not the avenger.

It’s also not your job to provide justice, even if your toxic Ex has done or is still doing bad things by cheating on his employer or the IRS, and you know it.

Be sure to check your inner attitude going into the courtroom!

Your attitude should be: I will help the judge find the best solution for my child.

And not: I want everyone to see what a terrible person my Ex is!

Do you see the difference?

As for wearing statement t-shirts:

I myself really like the t-shirts from SIOSBOX (found on Etsy) – but at most for casual wear. If you have a highly toxic, super pathological child father standing on the other side, even the most harmless t-shirt slogans have trigger potential. 

And you don’t really want to give him another jumping-off point for the next wave, do you?

But if you have friends who stand by you during this time and are eager to help – why not give them a t-shirt like this so they can contribute to the visibility of the problem and not just have it all rest on your shoulders?

If you want to work on your court attitude and prepare well, get my Court Royal program now. Completely without statement intent, but with a clear and confident attitude.

How do you feel about it? Do you like wearing statement t-shirts with cheeky sayings – and how does that affect those around you? Please leave a comment below the article, I’m very happy about your opinion about it! Merci! 🙏