Tell me, sweetheart, how do you talk? What do you tell others, how do you talk all day?

Have you noticed that yet?

If the waves of your toxic ex are very high right now, then it’s very likely that you’re talking to others about it accordingly.

You know by now that your language largely determines your emotions.

Right?

So if your ex throws you a rope full of hate and gloating and accusations, and you catch it and use it to take on those emotions by repeating his phrases to others – and not just once, but twice, four times, heck – tens of times over the course of the next few days after the incident, then you’ve not only magnified the emotions within you many times over, but more importantly, you’ve also “generously” spread them around you.

And incidentally burned into you by repetition.

Not good.

Now you have found me for a reason.

I would like to show you how to deal with it without making a murder pit out of your heart by shoveling everything deep inside – and also without dragging the whole world into your turmoil.

Clearly, this is a rather long-term process.

What you may have practiced for 40 years can’t be turned around all at once with one blog article.

Unfortunately. 😔

This requires constant attention in your everyday speech and thus in your everyday thinking.

So: How do you talk to others today?

How can you bring your situation to the point in a factual way so that others can understand it, who need to understand it in order to be able to help you?

And where is it better to say nothing, because you can’t expect the other person to give you the help you need on a particular issue?

Which level of detail is necessary – which is superfluous and does not contribute to clarity?

If you think about this every time before you describe your situation, you’ll take an enormous step forward.

The details are one thing – choosing which words to use is another aspect to consider.

Have you adopted the words your ex used to say to you, and still says to you?

Do you often speak “in quotes” to show off his meanness to the other person – and still repeat his toxic language?

In my DEXKADIMA program, which I currently offer on my German site, I show you step-by-step how to actively change your own speech pattern – half the battle to get your emotions in balance in your everyday life with your toxic narcissistic ex.

Don’t underestimate this work, sweetheart.

His words – whether past or present – eventually deeply disturbed you, shocked you, hurt you, hit you.

Whenever you repeat them, you trigger yourself with them, constantly re-living the traumatic experience you had from his hateful language.

How is your soul and body supposed to rest there?

Mind you, you are doing this to yourself.

Sure, he throws you the emotion and energy rope.

But you are still the one who decides what happens afterwards.

But the power of the right language and way of speaking has another dimension:

How do you speak to yourself?

Have you adopted his voice within you? His language, his words, his attitude and demeanor towards you?

Or is this a familiar pattern that he has only continued – and you still know this stern voice with which you talk to yourself inside from your childhood?

Do you know the cliché of the tough (business or career) woman who is so used to being tackled hard that she imagines it doesn’t bother her?

That – on the contrary – she thinks she needs a verbal kick in the butt every now and then?

Most of the time these women talk to themselves like that. Maybe they don’t even have a girlfriend who would do that – they are their own harshest critic and most brutal coach.

I think it’s so sad, I can’t even describe it properly.

There is one gauge that reliably tells you what is right for you and what is wrong for you

And that is your feeling.

Very simple.

If you feel good and joyfully electrified inside after such an – inner as well as outer – announcement, it is right.

If you feel confused, helpless, sad, desperate, depressed, useless – it is wrong.

So if women tolerate friends around them who smile at you all the time, or talk tough, or make fun of you, or come across as stern, and don’t feel great after such gatherings, then that’s a clue!

And further: if women go into the inner tough talk, which sounds more like their mother than anything else, and also think they need that – then they would have to dance around the apartment warbling all day long!

Unless this is the case – it is not right.

Even though there are certainly individual differences in nature, I am 100% convinced of one thing:

To hear a loving, warm-hearted speech and to meet ourselves warm-heartedly with understanding and love is our inner nature.

Everything that does not correspond to this is therefore acknowledged as not right by our emotional barometer.

You have a very powerful tool with it already from birth – and it also helps you to come into clarity whenever you come into a situation that confuses you at first.

Just as we often do with toxic ex-partners.

He says or writes something; you sort it out, enter into a loving dialogue with yourself, sort out the feeling and determine what is true and what is false.

What corresponds to you and what does not – your very individual truth.

And with this clarity automatically comes inner peace, contentment and confidence.

You then know what you have to do. And where you have to let go.

How do you deal with your inner barometer of feelings, sweetheart? Are you already paying attention without squatting on the negative feelings and reinforcing them over and over again? Please leave your comment below this article so other moms can learn from you.

Merci!