​You know that feeling when anxiety is your constant companion? If you have a toxic ex-partner, it’s probably all too familiar.

During the relationship, you were constantly wondering what mood he was going to come home in. Did the conversation with his boss go well? Will he snap again tonight? Is dinner okay? Have I put away everything that disturbed him in the morning?

Anxiety was your daily companion, whether it was a weekday or a weekend.

Your hope that the separation would ease the daily anxiety didn’t turn out to be the case, and little seems to have changed.

Now you’re wondering what he’s going to do next. Will he take you to court? Not bring the child back on time? What will he do with your baby during his contact time? Can he even handle a toddler? Where will he travel to?

Suddenly you realize that fear has become your constant companion. A change you could never have imagined years ago.

Many moms who follow me were strong, confident women before the relationship with their toxic ex. Successful in their careers and beaming with self-confidence. I was one of them too.

It’s incredible how a toxic-narcissistic relationship can destroy that self-confidence over time. And at some point, you look in the mirror and think you’re just a shadow of your former strong self.

It is now important to understand that you are not alone. This fear today is the result of the constant manipulation and insecurities of your narcissistic ex-partner. Constant dripping chips away at even the hardest stone, and in the same way, you may feel small and inferior.

​A toxic-narcissistic ex takes advantage of your mental imbalance

He doesn’t even have to do this consciously, but he should feel that he has the upper hand. He also needs control over you and your fear in order to feel powerful. His narcissistic personality disorder is a strategy to cover up his own low self-esteem. He controls you by keeping you in constant fear.

But here’s the good news:

You can overcome this fear

I want to help you look at fear from a new perspective. However, if your anxiety is so strong that you are having panic attacks, you should seek professional help. That goes without saying, right?

In all other cases, I invite you to see anxiety not as a threat, but as a clue from your soul. It shows you where your comfort zone ends and what the next step is.

Imagine you are standing in a circle. This circle is your comfort zone. You feel safe in this circle, everything is routine and automatic. No fear disturbs your everyday life.

But in a relationship with a toxic ex, this circle is ultra-tiny. Your daily tasks are routine and you avoid the triggers that could upset him.

This little circle leaves you no room to breathe. As soon as you leave it, you enter unknown territory – and that’s scary.

You’ve proven many times in the past that you can overcome your fear of new things

Just think back to when you were learning to drive. Weren’t you afraid of the next driving lesson or driving test? I can tell you that driving school was pure horror for me back then.

Today, I get in the car and drive off without thinking. It’s the same for you, isn’t it?

Every new skill requires practice and courage.

The same goes for life after a break-up with a toxic ex. You will learn to deal with the waves he throws up after the breakup. Step by step, you will expand your comfort zone – and the fear will recede.

• You go to the youth welfare office and a legal advisor to prepare for the separation in the best possible way.
• You manage to move out with your child, which you couldn’t even imagine for a long time.
• Then you have your first vacation alone with your child! Wow!
• Finally, the first joint counseling session with your toxic Ex at the youth welfare office, or in parenting counseling, or mediation.
• Later, the first court hearing.

Over time, you also notice that you gain more and more self-confidence by standing up for your boundaries more and more and no longer wanting to please everyone (that, my dear, doesn’t stop once it goes to court!).

And you’re also standing up for yourself more and more often at work or on the dating scene.

If you allow yourself to be led by fear, you will remain small and trapped

However, if you see fear as an indication of growth, emotional freedom lies behind it!

Sometimes you take big steps, sometimes small ones. Every decision you make out of courage expands your comfort zone and shrinks your fear.

Never let fear guide you when you make a decision, sweetheart. Think of the possibilities and the growth that lies beyond!

I used to be the biggest scaredy-cat. I still have fears today – they’re just part of it. But now I see them as my biggest friends who show me where my growth potential lies.

How big is your comfort zone now, my dear? What fears are showing you the edge?

Go there and take a closer look. Which clue should you follow?

Join the courageous moms’ club

If you are ready to overcome your fear and expand your comfort zone, then I warmly invite you to join the Club of Courageous Mothers. Here you will learn day by day, step by step, how to expand your comfort zone and regain your strength.

And the best thing is that you’ll also see examples of other mothers who, like you, have a toxic ex and who have nevertheless learned to rock their everyday life and their thinking.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” (Jim Rohn)

Surround yourself with brave moms, sweetheart. Then it’s only a matter of time before you become one.

How do you see it today? Feel free to leave a comment below, even if you have already changed.

Thank you very much!

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