Well, do you know your stuff yet, sweetheart?

Do you know all about narcissism and why, why, why your Ex ticks the way he does?

Do you already know your way around family court? You know what your lawyer should actually do and you are also available to other mothers in various forums and groups with advice and action?

You know the ropes, don’t you?

After all, you are academically educated, you don’t let anyone fool you, especially not your toxic Ex! You will stand up to him properly.

You still shake your head at yourself because you got together with this honk years ago and have a child by him – but THAT will definitely never happen to you again!

After all, you are a smart woman. Before the relationship with him, you had already managed successful projects or built up your own business with your own practice.

You are a really strong woman.

And so tough.

Yes, life is not really fun with this Ex. But you’re getting through it – it is what it is.

But you wouldn’t have thought it would be so exhausting. Again and again the Ex drags you to court. He wants the alternating residency model – and secretly it would be good for you, because then you could concentrate more on your own job.

But you feel that it would not do your child any good. You are constantly torn between your own desires for a good life and the needs of your child.

The long-standing struggle with the toxic Ex drains an incredible amount of your energy, even though you rebel against it and fight it with all your might.

As a result, you are often just exhausted and ask yourself, “Is this what my life as a wife and mother looks like?”

You see young women entering marriage joyful and happy, and you think to yourself, “Just you wait and see, kid. Life as a mother is no fun.” And secretly long to go back to the carefree college days when all the cards were still open.

If only you hadn’t…!

If you find yourself in the above lines, then I’m sending you a big, big hug right now.

Because a lot of my clients feel the same way you do.

I’ve had an interesting, eye-opening experience over the past few months:

Highly educated moms often have a more difficult life with their toxic Ex than the non-academics among us.

Now that’s a statement, isn’t it?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and now before you just shake your head and think I’m giving free rein to my social envy (I only have a high school diploma myself, not a degree), please stop!

The common denominator is to be coachable and open to new approaches

Toxic people bring us to the edge of our rational wisdom. We cannot interact with these people as we would with normal people! We cannot trust to be treated with respect and mutual regard.

Agreements, compromises, contracts – are undermined and simply not honored.

Brazen lies told and repeated until everyone believes them.

He makes one stupid request after another to the court and gets away with it.

It is maddening! 🤯

Now you have certainly tried everything in the rule. Have come to meet him in the beginning. Have made compromises for the sake of peace. As with a difficult customer, with such types you have to do professionally from time to time.

When all that was no use, you took the helm.

You read a lot, surrounded yourself with experts and coaches to find the best tactical strategy.

What is the best advice now? What mistakes must I avoid at all costs?

The guy wants the fight? Well wait – I’ll show you! Not with me, friend!

This is a trap, sweetheart.

And you fall into it just because you are so trained with your head ego to approach problems rationally and with school/study knowledge.

But that won’t get you anywhere with your type.

The only way you can get a handle on the problem of “parenting with a toxic Ex” is to work on your inner mindset, your self-worth, and also your belief in a different future.

And that’s exactly what’s not quite as handy as a theorem you crammed in college.

In fact, when we go into inner work, it very quickly becomes spiritual.

Some call it the universe, others God, still others the highest self.

And since this is where the educated academics wave it off with a tired smile, that’s just the way it is:

Those who get involved and give it a try change their lives to a previously unprecedented happiness. They manifest a future they would never have dared to wish for before.

And the others who wave it off get their beliefs confirmed – that the world out there is bad, the legal system sucks for moms, and the fathers’ lobby is exceedingly powerful.

Each of these two camps believes they are in the right.

Only one camp just has a nice life. Not because it’s so woefully naive and feeds on placebos.

But because we simply don’t think we already know everything there is to know.

And now guess which kids grow up with a broader foundation of perspectives and choices…?

I ask you, Sweetheart: if you’ve already tried everything “school” has taught you and it’s gotten you nowhere – why not just try something completely new?

Something your parents would just shake their heads at? Or your old professor from university?

You always have a choice. Trouble and struggle is one choice – focus on your life is another.

My offer for you: My Power Brain Detox program.

Very different. Goes deep and changes your thinking. And your life.

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I’m Heidi Duda, 54 years old, a coach with a child and a dog, unstudied but incredibly inquisitive. I soak up everything that could help us – and that is not so much knowledge about narcissism as knowledge about how to use the energy in our sense – for good – and build a wonderful, full life.

Despite a toxic Ex, who will now be with us for a few years through the child.

How do you see it, sweetheart? Completely absurd or are you ready to jump over your shadow?

Please leave a comment below this article, I’m already very curious!