If you’ve tried EVERYTHING and you now believe that nothing and no one can help you deal with your toxic Ex, then this blog is for you!

Have you already read all kinds of books about narcissism and do you know pretty well what makes your Ex and his Flying Monkeys tick?

And have you also joined several mothers’ groups and forums, and do you eagerly join in the discussions when there are exchanges about the behavior of one narcissistic Ex or another?

Maybe you’ve even hired a coach or therapist or two to help you through this phase?

And yet you still feel like you’re constantly on the ropes and can’t find your way out? Everyday life is so draining – especially with very young children – and your energy level is still down.

Sweetheart, let me first reassure you that you are doing everything right – you are getting your act together and doing something to make yourself feel better!

Reading up on narcissism and understanding the connections is very important. Getting additional help from outside – be it virtual and free of charge or 1:1 in the paid version with a professional at your side – is also elementary and the right way.

But what if all that is not enough?

Though you have started – there is no end in sight

Our journey with a toxic Ex partner is marked with a clear starting point – the breakup – but there is no end or stop in sight. Unfortunately!

Even if your child is 18 years old, that’s not the end where you can wipe the sweat off your brow and think that’s it – you’re rid of the Ex!

After all, not everything depends on external factors such as shared custody or access intervals. When your child is 18, you will still experience everything very closely – all the manipulations of the Ex, which still continue or bear fruit. If your child wants to study and your Ex refuses financial support, you will still have plenty of opportunities to get angry with him.

Today it’s the sunscreen he keeps forgetting to put on the little kid, and tomorrow it’s the email to your student telling him that he doesn’t think about helping finance his own little place in the new city where the university is.

Or he has plundered the savings and education account for the child (joint custody of assets!).

The only difference to before: You still get opportunities en masse on a silver platter, where you can really and rightly get upset, because your toxic Ex is so selfish or evil and he proves with his actions again and again, how much he doesn’t care about the child welfare.

However, you then no longer have the option of going to court yourself. Your child will have to do that.

Sue their own father.

And – what do you think? Will you be able to take it easier then, when you no longer have to fight on the front lines, but your child takes over that task?

Hmmm.

I rather think it will be even more unbearable for us if we have to stand by and watch the injustice and can do even less than before!

But this only in passing. My point in this article is actually something quite different.

Now that you know, don’t even get attached to a specific deadline.

Indispensable: your mindset

Inner factors are, for example, your fears and beliefs that determine your life and lead you with unattractive regularity again and again in front of a wall.

Inner factors such as your level of composure and your conviction that you will always be in control of your life, no matter what happens.

Let’s not kid ourselves.

Even if your Ex isn’t around at all tomorrow – the likelihood that you’ll keep running into toxic people without the inner work in your life is pretty darn high.

If it’s not your Ex, it might be a neighbor. Or your boss. Or your mean, conniving co-worker.

Or even your narcissistic mother, who now in her old age expects – and vehemently expresses – that you please take care of her nicely, while your siblings have already pissed off.

So if you have already tried everything and you still keep hanging on the ropes, then the suspicion is that you have not yet gone deep enough into the inner work. Your whole thinking (=your “mindset”) is not yet where it should be to support you on your way.

Just thinking about it, reading, watching and discussing it doesn’t do that much except the – at least reassuring – realization that you are not alone and that there are many, many other mothers who have the same issue as you.

Cognitive knowledge simply doesn’t get us anywhere beyond a certain point.

We have to use our inner wisdom, and the work that needs to be done here is mainly about listening and perceiving.

That’s difficult in the noisy daily grind, no question. Especially when a toxic Ex is yelling in writing and the kids, unnerved and without support, are additionally projecting to you what is going on.

Ultimately, it’s your call, sweetheart.

If you realize that you are not getting anywhere and are facing a brick wall, then it is up to you whether you set up a time in your daily life where you come to rest and talk in writing with your soul and thus your inner wisdom and actively change your mindset.

It is up to you and not the external factors whether you give time and space and priority to your emotional development.

Only in this way you will learn more and more and discover where you have to let go in order to be able to cut one toxic energy connection after the other to the ex.

Only in this way will you discover where your own individual inner boundaries lie that the relationship with this toxic person has buried over the years.

Will this make the Ex’s actions less mean and nasty?

Of course it won’t.

But as long as you have learned by then how to stay in your own emotional balance, then you can show that to your adult child and better accompany them in this time of awakening. It learns so much from you!

You will probably then both find that it is not worth it to take legal action against the child’s father, because no forced money in the world can outweigh the emotional peace and balance once you have let go in a liberated way.

Work on your mindset with me

In fact, that’s exactly my thing: in my Mighty Moms Club and also in my DEXKADIMA program, I go to inner work with you and help you get into emotional balance so that you can live a life that is independent of the whims of the toxic people around you in the long run – first and foremost, the antics of your narcissistic ex-partner.

So if you’ve tried everything and you’re still nowhere near calmer, I invite you to go deeper into inner work and acquire a different mindset.

Put yourself on the waiting list for the club and join me the next time I open the club for new members.

I look forward to meeting you and accompanying you on your exciting journey to yourself!