Have you actually built up a good support network?

Yes?

Really? Are you really, really sure?

Are you thinking now:

“Heidi, what are you doing? Sure – I have my family and friends! And the great Facebook group! And another 400 Facebook friends who accompany my journey with the toxic Ex and are always available to me with advice and support.” 

Or do you think:

“Oh Heidi, do you have to pick at my wound? I haven’t had anyone since I broke up with my toxic Ex!”

Both thoughts are exactly what this blog article is for! So please stay tuned now and read on.

I have a large network of supporters

That’s very, very good, sweetheart. You definitely need a good support in the time after the toxic relationship, logo!

And yet, I would like to invite you to take a closer look at this circle and take inventory.

This is an important topic in my Power Brain Detox online course, to which I have dedicated a separate module.

If you haven’t taken the course yet, I’d like to give you a few thought-provoking ideas today that will help you take a more mindful look at your support network.

Just because there’s a name on a list, doesn’t mean that person will actually help you achieve your goals!

Whether it’s a court battle with a toxic Ex or a job!

If you can put a check mark behind whether you’ve found a lawyer, it doesn’t mean that lawyer will support you the way you deserve because they’re swimming on the same wavelength as you.

Even if you have 1,000 friends on Facebook who all comment under your posts, that doesn’t mean you’ll get the right, good impulses from them – or whether they won’t project themselves and prophesy the end of the world if you think out loud about doing this or that.

What I preach again and again in the club of courageous mothers: Above all, build up a positive confidence for the future. Since that can seem like a Herculean task at first in our situation with a toxic Ex, we need an entourage around us to support us through it.

And not drag you down – because these people simply aren’t standing exactly where you are now and what you already know.

But there is another angle to your supporter network

Do you have someone who helps you with the housework? In other words: a cleaning lady?

Do you have someone who can step in at short notice when your Ex cancels contact with you even though you have to work?

Do you occasionally order groceries to be delivered to you because you have too many appointments and don’t want to go to the supermarket with everyone else on Saturday?

Do you have the boxes of drinks delivered?

May I be frank, sweetheart?

If you have stress in your everyday life with dozens of appointments, i.e. full-time job and child and household, then the first step to get back into your energy – and to keep it – is to delegate everything that is possible.

And there’s still something there, don’t you think?

I hope you are familiar with delegation from work. If you are the one who is always delegated everything, talk to your boss about which jobs you can delegate to whom, so that you can be given higher-value tasks.

What jobs might those be?

You know what’s mega exciting right now?

When you just get negative feelings and think of 1000 reasons why you can’t delegate something.

That it’s not possible. That it’s all far too expensive – and in general.

Who am I to treat myself to household help? I can already hear what my mother will say about it!

It is with the topic of “delegating” that your self-worth becomes clear. And especially all the beliefs that you nurture within yourself.

Your belief system decides what kind of life you live.

Take this seriously, sweetheart. I’ve created Power Brain Detox, the ideal program to help you identify and dismantle your beliefs and replace them with new ones.

What’s your hourly rate, sweetheart?

Have you ever done the math?

There are people who sit in the car for hours just to save €20 on something.

The probability that they, while sitting in the car, get into some traffic jam or are confronted with other people and their arrogant or anxious driving styles and get annoyed or stressed is damn high.

During this time, they can’t pursue their individual talents. They can’t get into the flow. They are not mentally present and focused on their well-being.

People who do not value their time and the energy that comes with it are adhering to a terrible misconception.

That they would save.

But it costs them much, much more.

Sweetheart, as long as you’re in a stressful clinch with your Ex, you need every fiber of your energy for yourself.

You need to protect your time and focus like a lioness!

“I have no one left!”

After a toxic relationship, many mothers are left empty-handed at first, especially if the Ex has been the jack-of-all-trades and has been instrumental in maintaining the circle of friends.

If then your own family is not around either – neither locally nor on an empathic level – and the old friends are in their own world, things look bleak at first.

I send you a very warm hug over, if you stand exactly at this point, Sweetheart!

But you can build a new circle of friends step by step.

Either way, you’re standing at an unprecedented point in your life today, so this is also an ideal time to surround yourself with new, different-thinking people.

You could, for example, join the club of courageous mothers and gradually get to know personally the mothers who are aware of their energy and are working hard on it.

In any case, you don’t need hundreds of (Facebook) friends.

All you need is a handful.

A handful of people around you who encourage you.

Who don’t dismiss everything you feel the urge to do.

Who don’t want to whine with you and feel sorry for you, but who help you to get back on your feet so that you can find your strength and become strong for your child.

THOSE are the kind of people you need right now.

Don’t settle for less, sweetheart.

You are worthy of having the best supporter network you can achieve.

In summary

Your supporter network can be made up of so much more than your friends on Facebook who are leaning towards you or your lawyer!

It should consist of people who will help you stay in or even increase your positive energy as well as have time for you and your child.

And if it’s the beverage delivery guy who heaves the crates into your basement and is happy about your generous tip afterwards!

What do you think about that, sweetheart? Do you already have helpful spirits around you? Please write it in the comments, so that the others also get ideas.

Thank you!