Imagine standing in front of your bathroom mirror twelve months from now and looking in.

What will you see there?

What will you think?

How will you feel?

If you are like me 10 years ago, so “really” deep in the narcissistic-toxic game with the child father, then it is not an easy idea.

Our brain immediately imagines all the bad things that can happen – after all, the child’s father has already delivered a few samples of his toxicity in the past months.

“Oh my God – is this going to go on forever?”

What if I told you that you could put the brakes on that right NOW?

Not by calling the toxic Ex to account and building yourself up in front of him or filing a new petition in court.

That doesn’t work with toxic personalities anyway.

But it’s generally difficult to get others to do something you’d like them to do.

You can’t tell your son’s teacher to yell less with the kids and expect her to stop doing it after that.

The answer always lies in yourself, sweetheart.

You cannot make your well-being dependent on the actions of others and hope that this will make your life better!

The only thing you can control and direct yourself are your own actions.

You can tell your landlord not to raise the rent, but you can’t expect him to stop doing it afterwards.

You can’t tell your child to go to the bathroom now when she doesn’t have to.

You can’t control so many things on the outside!

Why is it that so many mothers believe that all they have to do is say or do something specific and the toxic Ex will immediately stop being the way he is? And seek the answer to this reasoning like a holy grail?

My question to you: How do you act today?

Our actions are mainly shaped by our thoughts and beliefs.

A mother who deeply believes that her toxic Ex is all-powerful, can convince everyone in the best possible way, and always gets everything he wants, is more likely to sign anything up front to hopefully get into less trouble with him.

She’ll think, “It’s no use anyway, I’m not as good as he is.”

A mother who believes in justice and that the machinations of her toxic Ex can be brought to light will do everything she can in court to achieve just that.

And a mother who has an unshakable awareness of her self-efficacy and has often pulled herself out of difficult situations will be bolder and smarter in her approach than she used to be in the relationship and will not be so easily put off.

We all have internalized certain beliefs – but each one believes differently

There is a huge difference between believing deep down that you can’t do anything without the permission of others, and being convinced that you are “the architect of your own happiness.

One mother believes that resistance to an early settlement is futile, and then signs an agreement. How do you think this will affect her life twelve months later?

Another mother believes she is owed justice and demands that it be given. How will this affect her life one year later?

Finally, the sovereign mother – what do you think she sees when she looks in the mirror one year later? How will her life look – compared to the others?

How will these three hypothetical women feel?

Which of the three hypothetical women do you think will be more content, more serene and, on balance, happier?

What you think determines your actions. Your actions determine your life. And your current life situation determines your emotions.

Your emotions then again determine what and especially how you think. And so on and so forth. A cycle of happiness!

Of course, it also works the other way around, if you have internalized negative thoughts and beliefs.

What would you rather have – a content, beautiful, balanced and good life – or a life full of uncertainty and anxious waiting, what will happen next?

How to flip your current thinking around

It is clear that what you have thought and believed negatively about yourself for decades cannot be eradicated from one moment to the next. The majority of mothers who follow me don’t actually know exactly what extremely powerful beliefs they are obeying that so significantly determine their thinking.

This inner work – finding out the very specific beliefs that have led to the current life situation and will determine the future if they remain undiscovered – is simply a lifelong task!

But you can start with one thing: Your ideal, how you want to be and live.

If you first make this clear to yourself and internalize a vivid picture of it, then you will learn with time to align yourself mentally with all your thinking and feeling.

Let’s go

I hereby cordially invite you to “draw” your future reflection from next year.

Take your journal and describe yourself as you would like to be in a year. Be as detailed as possible.

Answer these questions:

• What do you want to be especially proud of in a year?
• What experiences with your children do you want to be able to look back on with gratitude?
• What progress would you like to have made in one year?
• What do you want to have discovered about yourself by then?

Make sure you write in the present tense:

“I am standing here in front of the mirror and I am very happy. I am so grateful for…” and let your deepest desires run free.

Next, print out this picture and hang it on the inside of your kitchen cabinet that you open every day. Or hang it in your office where you can see it at any time:

Bet you’ll be significantly closer to your ideal in a year if you do this?

I wish you exciting insights in the course of the next 12 months, sweetheart!

In case you want additional support on your journey to your ideal image of yourself: My 1:1 private coaching is a way to individually find the beginning where you are right now. If this is an option for you, you can book your appointment for a get-to-know conversation with me here.