Most of the moms in my Club of Courageous Moms, whom I then work with, don’t even dream of entering into a new relationship at the beginning.

They still need to process what happened with the previous one!

And with the toxic Ex still so present in everyday life, romantic feelings don’t seem to have a place at all.

When I ask people to rethink this in one of my Saturday impulses, some people immediately wave it off.

“I’m not ready yet, Heidi.”

And also: “I can’t imagine ever having a relationship again.”

Let’s be clear, Sweetheart: no one has to get into another relationship to have a good life!

But wouldn’t it be a total shame if we only knew this terrible last relationship with a toxic-narcissistic man and left it at that?

Wouldn’t you like to get to know a different kind of relationship?

One in which you are perceived and respected for who you are?

A relationship in which you don’t have to walk on eggshells and are allowed to make mistakes without being verbally executed?

To have a man by your side who remains loyal to you no matter what – and with whom you can laugh a lot from the bottom of your heart? Who sets a great example for your child of what a man can be like? Without putting the child in an additional conflict of loyalty and having to “choose” between two fathers?

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful experience – even if such a relationship shouldn’t necessarily last 20+ years?

You – such relationships do ACTUALLY exist!

Because there are also moms in the club of courageous moms who are currently experiencing such a relationship and who report exactly that!

Now it’s quite possible that when the realization that you came from a toxic-narcissistic relationship is still quite fresh and you’re soaking up all the information about it, you’re focusing precisely on these types and toxic relationships.

They are EVERYWHERE!

​Because there are also moms in the Club who are currently experiencing such a relationship and who report exactly that!

Now it’s quite possible that when the realization that you came from a toxic-narcissistic relationship is still quite fresh and you’re soaking up all the information about it, you’re focusing precisely on these types and toxic relationships.

They are EVERYWHERE!

Everywhere you look: only toxic men (and women) who give their partners hell.

Or you may come across such types at work.

Narcissists everywhere!

But that’s just the perspective you’re taking right now

The knowledge you gain about narcissism through books, blogs and podcasts means that your thoughts also revolve intensively around the topic.

You understand better now.

And adopt statements and explanations into your belief system.

Remember: Your beliefs are thoughts that you think over and over again.

However, according to the law of attraction, the universe will make sure that you are always given proof of what you think.

So if you only really “realize” how many toxic people are out there after your breakup, then you will increasingly attract such people into your life.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” (Tony Robbins)

Please don’t get me wrong: it is important and necessary to learn and understand how the narcissistic relationship that is now behind you worked and which mechanisms took effect.

​But at a certain point, it’s time to take the focus off the toxic narcissistic people on the outside and concentrate on yourself.

Not by indulging in accusations and tearing yourself apart.

Instead, apply the new knowledge to yourself and ask yourself:

“What in me attracted the narcissist? Why was I attractive to him?”

These are powerful questions that will take you further, step by step.

Do you think you can do that now?

Respond without guilt and shame?

For example, I asked the community about one of the impulses in the club:

What kind of woman would you like to be in your (next) relationship?

We often tend to make our behavior dependent on the behavior of others.

We know exactly what the next man has to do or not do to make us feel good.

However, such an attitude is miles away from the unconditional love that we so readily demand.

We also inevitably end up in the next frustrating relationship, even if the next one doesn’t have to be nearly as toxic as the child’s father.

Sweetheart, it all starts with YOU.

If you’re resisting tooth and nail to even think about a next relationship, then just cut the question from above short:

What kind of woman do you want to be (today)?

And then it gets really interesting, my dear!

What are you like when you don’t want to be like that? And who can make the decision to be different?

How do you become “different” at all?

It always starts with your thinking. Your thinking determines your being. Your decisions, your attitude and your behavior all reflect how you think.

If you are constantly going round in circles and nothing at all is changing in your grueling everyday life or in the seemingly endless court proceedings, then it is high time to turn your attention to your thoughts and reform them.

Yes, you’re right, Rebel: you don’t need a relationship with a man to be happy.

You can do it all by yourself!

Happiness begins within yourself – with the thoughts you occupy yourself with every day and to which you give time and space.

But do you know what inevitably happens when you actively and consciously learn to control your world of thought better in everyday life?

You will be incredibly attractive to empathetic, stable men!

Because then you are no longer in need of love and emotionally dependent on others, because as soon as you deal with your inner world of thoughts, you give yourself more and more love.

Suddenly you are ready for a real relationship “at empathic eye level” – and stop all narcissists from getting close to you.

Narcissists can then no longer “dock”.

You know, sweetheart – maybe a narcissistic relationship experience is also a kind of “maturing ritual” in a woman’s life. Afterwards, nothing is as it was before, and that’s a good thing.

Now is the time to grow. There is no alternative.

If you would like more support at this point, please join me in the Club of Courageous Mothers. Here I will take you by the hand and lead you into a new world of thinking full of love and understanding – for yourself and for others.

Do you already have an empathic new relationship with a great man that is completely different from the toxic one with the child’s father?

Feel free to leave me a comment below and tell the other moms what aha realization led to this. Thank you!