Are you afraid of the next few months?

Whether we are now reaching the end of the calendar year or you are on the verge of separation; and even if you have been separated for some time and your toxic Ex and father of your children has just made a massive threat to intimidate you and make you compliant – this article is for you.

Fear is an emotion that a toxic person loves – when they sense it in others. 

If your Ex can scare you, then he has power over you

After all, he knows you better than you know yourself, he knows your Achilles’ heels – especially if you have suffered from depression at times or have sought psychological-therapeutic help.

He has witnessed the devotion with which you have cared for your baby, and the intimate bond you have forged with the child – simply by fulfilling your role as a mother wonderfully.

Oh, he knows exactly which strings to pull to shake your emotional balance!

Because you are constantly questioning yourself, unsure if he isn’t right after all with his never-ending accusations that you haven’t been the woman you promised him you would be.

Now you look into his hateful eyes and try to understand the last words he spoke. How – he wants to take away my children?

And you get scared as hell.

Because you have experienced him pursuing and achieving his goals in the past. So you have reasonable grounds to believe that he will get everything he wants.

If you have a loser on your side, get confirmation that they too can make it in one of the countless mothers’ groups and forums on Facebook, where such cases, in which toxic men were able to strain the court system properly thanks to legal aid, are discussed at length.

What is fear anyway?

Fear is an emotion that your soul sends you because it wants you to look and get into action.

Necessary for our survival since time immemorial, so that we either fight or flee immediately.

I can assure you that you will not die even if he manages to take the children away from you – even if it feels exactly like that in your imagination.

I invite you to accept this signal from your soul and get into action – because there is a lot you can do to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Yes, even if your toxic Ex is a lawyer or judge or doctor or politician or celebrity!

In any case, giving up in advance is not an option, my dear!

Your 3 steps to take to get a handle on your anxiety

Step 1: Question his claims

Toxic ex-partners often and readily make claims that greatly unsettle us mothers.

Question them all.

• Do all fathers now automatically get shared custody?
• Are all fathers now automatically granted the alternating residency model?
• Do all fathers now automatically get the right to determine place of residence if the child wants to move in with him?

It may well be that more fathers than in the past are awarded the alternating residency model, for example. But that still depends heavily on the court. In any case, you will quickly realize that definitely not all toxic fathers get everything they want.

Even if it’s only 10% who don’t make it – then you also have a chance, and that’s what you focus on!

In any case, your best contact for questioning your ex’s claims is a good legal counsel. They can quickly give you an assessment based on your current situation and the local circumstances (competent court and youth welfare office).

Step 2: Surround yourself with supporters and positive people

The last thing you need now are sourpusses and people who “give” you the worst prognosis fantasies.

Always remember: all people have their own history and perceptual reality in the background.

You can experience incredible mental support on your way in mothers’ groups. But only if you learn to tune out such comments that may pity or judge you or increase your anxiety (because the commentators themselves are enormously triggered).

It is always your decision how you accept something and use it for yourself. 

Step 3: Be sure to focus on the doable, controllable: yourself.

Let go of what you can’t control.

This includes: the opinions of others. What others do, especially your Ex. The expected verdict of the judge assigned to you. Whether it rains or snows tomorrow.

What you can control yourself are your actions, your thoughts, your emotions.

Yes, you can!

Putting it in the right order will get you where you want to go – whether it’s getting through the next few months of court cases, or getting a handle on financial worries, or your fear of getting sick.

First learn to control your thoughts

What do you believe in? Which beliefs are helpful, which are not? Can you dismantle the bad ones by looking for positive counter-evidence?

Your thoughts automatically shape your emotions

If you think only bad things all day, then you will also feel that way.

But if you have actively worked on your thoughts and have accepted new impulses and taken on new perspectives, the corresponding positive emotion will follow automatically.

Your positive emotions eventually influence your actions

When you stand in your mental power, you act differently than when you feel scared, small and helpless.

You know such phases from your past, don’t you? Remember back to it. You can still do it!

The best part is: more and more positive actions generate more and more positive thoughts, which in turn generate more and more beautiful emotions in everyday life.

A great cycle, isn’t it?

By the way, it also works the other way around: Bad thoughts -> bad emotions -> bad actions -> terrible everyday life.

Which cycle do you choose?

You have a choice, sweetheart. Always.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 30, 40 or over 50. You can always work on it and rearrange your life.

Then the fear of the next few months is also no longer an issue.