Sweetheart, do you believe that you yourself have all the power to get you out of a deep mental hole?

No?

Well – I do! And do you know why?

Because I have experienced that it works.

On myself and on my clients.

You can work through the list in order or just pick what jumps out at you.

Your choice, sweetheart!

Ready to go? Let’s get started:

1) Off you go, out into nature!

Rain or shine, when you’re in a deep hole, the first thing you need is fresh air and very deep breaths. Inhale deeply and intimately. Either on foot or by bike – the main thing is to move and breathe and take in nature.

When you go to the park, please shut off all thoughts of what you are currently blaming for your sadness.

The email from the Ex or what he or the judge said does not need to be analyzed further. Your analysis is done, as many times as you have rolled this stuff around in your head!

It is not about you finding a solution. The solution finds you as soon as you are receptive for it. At the moment, however, everything is probably closed, the solution could jump at you and you don’t see it. That’s why you probably have the feeling that you’re going in circles or standing still.

My tip for you is to fully focus on nature. Notice the season. Look at the trees much more attentively. Look at how big and stable the tree trunks are. For particularly large trees, imagine how deep and firm the roots must go into the ground. And how many storms this tree must have weathered!

Have you ever noticed that most trees all have a female name? So I often imagine that the trees have a female soul.

And if you feel like it, hug a beautiful tree or touch it. What do you care about other people?

If you have your own garden, you already know what you can do.

2) Write about the deep hole in your soul in a notebook

Sit down, get a notebook, set the timer for 20 minutes and just write away. Without point and comma.

It’s called souldumping.

Works.

3) Put it in the trash

If you are in the brave moms club, on Wednesday you can give the situation that keeps you busy and in the deep hole to the garbage disposal.

If you are not in the brave moms club, write the situation on a piece of paper and then burn / shred it in the paper shredder.

After that, let it go. Never write or talk about it again.

4) Clean up

Can you think of any corner in your apartment or house that somehow frustrates you or doesn’t trigger good feelings? Which of these can be removed?

You don’t have to start a mega project that will take you 5 hours of your time. Even if it’s just one thing that annoys you every time you walk by it – get rid of it.

5) Share with others

You’ve probably thought about calling your best friend or a good acquaintance. That’s not a bad idea, and many people are happy to help.

However, if your friend already knows every email from your ex by heart, give her a breather now and then.

Better go to your virtual community of other moms with a toxic Ex for some quick advice. This could be the Strong Moms group on Facebook or better yet, the Brave Moms Club.

In either case, make sure to write your post in a way that keeps the drama out. Which brings us to the next point:

6) No Drama, please!

In everything you describe, try to choose language that calms yourself down and doesn’t make you even more upset or trigger yourself.

This is such a simple tip – and yet I experience again and again how much mothers, who are really in a very deep hole, flagellate themselves again and again with their own words!

The more you self-report abuse, triggers, meanness, and annoyances you’ve experienced, the more you validate the feeling inside you.

Therefore, watch your language.

You can describe your situation with other words just as well, so that others know what it is about and can help you willingly and are not triggered themselves.

Please also pay attention to the exclamation marks!!!! (You already noticed, right?)

7) Be grateful

 What are you grateful for? Write down a list of 50 things, more if you like. It can be anything.

Why do so many people think that things that work are complicated and difficult?

8) Successes count

Think about everything you have already accomplished that you can be proud of. Focus on what you have already received praise and recognition for, but not exclusively. You yourself know very well what you have already achieved that would have been unthinkable for others.

A list with at least (!) 50 entries would be appropriate now, sweetheart.

9) Know what makes you tick

Do you actually know what makes you happy? What puts a smile on your face? What makes you feel good? Do you like to make pottery? Do you like to read? Do you like baking monumental cakes and pies, or delicate chocolates? Do you like to write poems or stories?

When, if not now in a deep hole, is the best time to do that?

Please just nothing that has to do with your current sadness. You are not only a mother and ex-partner of a narcissist.

You are first and foremost a completely unique woman with certain talents, strengths and preferences.

Do you notice the direction we have already gone in here? This brings us to the – most important – final point:

10) Focus on yourself and on your innermost being.

Sadness, depression, and frustration then come over us because we allow others – especially negative people – to have great influence. We are evaluated and accept this often bad evaluation from outsiders.

We virtually accept other people’s beliefs as true and right.

This person is an expert in this and that – so surely he must be right?

As a child, we had to trust adults because we were dependent. If a great person told us that we were not good with numbers, we believed it.

If our father told us that we would never find a good man because we were so demanding and bitchy, we believed that too.

Well, we never felt really good when such assessments were made!

However, you are not a bad person. Nor a bad wife or even a bad mother. And you were also never a “bad”, incapable child.

Quite the opposite.

The sad feeling you have today is proof that there is something very wrong:

Your view of yourself.

Therefore, once you realize that you have relied and are still relying on what others say about who and how you are, you are already a significant step further.

Then you can move on at this point.

If you’ve already tried a trick or two, please comment in the comments. Or do you know an even better one that always helps you? Go ahead – let the others know!